Zzyzx Wolfe: The Backstory

[Warning: Contains rape, though not in detail; mild physical and emotional abuse; some dark and depressing moments; and a happy ending.]

Growing Up

The first, vague memories I have are as a rather young pup, and are actually sweet and comforting, back when I was tiny and my mother seemed massive to me.† I just remember feeling warm, safe, and loved.† Itís a feeling that didnít last nearly as long as it should have, though I think thatís one of the things that defines me.† Thatís why I want to make the people I care about feel the same way, because I donít think anyone, no matter their age, should be without someone like that.† Everybody needs something safe.

The first specifically detailed memories I really have are growing up are mostly of growing too fast with my mother being often angry about it.† She tried to bind my chest and bits.† Tried to hide me so I wouldnít look too big or out of place.† It hurt a lot, and I got to the point where I felt like it was my fault, like I was doing something to make myself grow ďwrong.Ē† Eventually, things got to the point where my mother wasnít able to hide just how big I was getting, so she eventually abandoned me so I wouldnít ruin her life.

I should mention that in this world, dimension, or whatever it was, although there were furry anthros, it certainly wasnít any sort of utopia.† There were shady politics, crappy governments, wars, and speciesism.† At any rate, there were several things to my disadvantage.† First, herms were looked down upon, which mightíve been easy enough to hide if I wasnít also hyper, which was also frowned upon.† I was hyper because Iím a hybrid, and of course that was a horrible aberration.† It also made me quite tall and muscular for a mostly wolf looking hybrid, so that didnít help.

After I was abandoned, I donít have a whole lot of specific memories of that specific span of time.† It was mostly a blur of trying to find food, a place to sleep, and avoiding being attacked.† There really werenít any folks out there willing to help someone like me.† Most people wouldnít even talk to me, at least under normal circumstances and in most any public places.

Finding Somewhere

Eventually, I found a place willing to take me in, because despite of the general hatred for my appearance, it could still be fetishized.† So, in exchange for somewhere to sleep and some form of food, I danced in a specialty club where I stripped and the clients could generally take me back to do whatever they wanted.† Fortunately, there are a lot of people who secretly want to be dominated.† Unfortunately, there were still plenty of people who didnít or who just plain hated me, but I wonít go into too much detail, for my own sake as well as yours.

As time went on in the club, I started to get my own group of clients, and as that group consisted of more influential and wealthy folks, I ended up being protected from the sort of people who injured me and forced me to submit.† Even though I was dominating them, though, it was still basically a form of submission, since I didnít really have a choice.† It seemed to be mostly big company executives or high ranking government officials who wanted to be dominated, but had to hide their fetishes since even being seen with someone like me would mean losing their jobs.

While I worked, I eventually began to study genetics in my free time, mostly from books and on my own.† At first because I wanted to figure out what I did to grow up wrong, then how to fix myself, and eventually I just became curious about the genetics that made me particularly unique.† With my connections, I was eventually able to spend at least some time in university labs until I became rather well-versed on the subject matter, though because of who I was, I could never officially graduate from a university, let alone attend one.

Moving Up

After enough of an education and being able to prove I actually knew what I was doing, one of my clients became a benefactor of sorts, getting me a position in a government lab where I could do work on genetics.† It was certainly better than being a stripper and an escort, though I still had to dominate both my benefactor and sometimes his friends or guests he was trying to impress, or at lease dance for them, depending on their preference.

My primary role, though, was working on cures for different genetic disorders.† Since I had an odd combination of wolf, dragon and snow leopard DNA in an arrangement that made me strong and powerful, I could study my own DNA for reference quite often.† It gave me a lot of starting points for me to figure out which genes had certain benefits, so I synthesized vaccines of a sort, though these worked by changing the DNA with a virus rather than teaching the body to fight off something.

It was fairly rewarding work, even if I lived in a society that hated me.† I still spent my life being alone.† There was no sort of chance for me to find love.† I wasnít happy, but it was better than things had been for a long while, at least for a time.† It was quiet, solitary work, which suited me just fine, since I didnít really enjoy being in public.

The Turning Point

Of course, being in public was the beginning of things going wrong, or going right, depending on how you look at the very end result.† One day, while I was walking home, I was attacked from behind and I was raped.† Had he attacked from the front, I wouldíve been able to fight him off, though I still wouldíve been in jail for whatever injuries he suffered.† In fact, I just had to ignore being attacked, because if I fought back, or even reported it, I was generally arrested, if not beaten by the police officers as well.

When I was raped, however, I really felt that I needed to report it.† That there was evidence, and that maybe, for once, something could be done, which was just as foolish an idea as ever.† It included being told that I was too ugly to be raped, and that I would be lucky if anyone ever wanted to sleep with me.† Though, they were kind enough to make sure I wouldnít get pregnant with a decent nightstick beating.

Obviously, that close after the event, something like that wouldnít damage any potential pup, and despite those sorts of things, I was a fairly strong, resilient herm, and itís not like those beatings damaged me badly, though I did have the dilemma of what to do when I realized I was actually pregnant a few months later.† My very first preparations were to formulate serums in case my pup was born with traits like mine, because I didnít want my pup to go through the same things I did.

Through the course of all that, however, I discovered some unintended things that I really never wanted to see, but it was probably fortunate that I did.† I found out that my genetic research wasnít being used to cure any sort of genetic diseases.† Rather, they were being used by the military in an attempt to develop some type of better, stronger soldier, since I managed to pack such a large amount of strength on a relatively small frame.† That was the only reason I got the job.† Not because I was good with genetics, but because I was good with genetics and had the genes they wanted.

Their scientists, however, werenít so good with the concept.† Obviously, whatever I formulated didnít contain my entire DNA, but rather just the bits of DNA that needed replacing to prevent certain diseases.† That didnít really stop them, and Iím not sure they even knew, but all they really managed to do was ruin the DNA of a lot of people because they tried to apply it to other parts of the DNA.

Moving Out

At first, I wasnít sure what to do.† Though, it didnít take me long to decide that if they discovered I was pregnant, that they would want to take my pup away from me for testing or whatever else they had in mind.† At that point, I gathered up all the research I could take with me and destroyed the rest.† I only left the vaccines behind, in hopes that they were either already being used to treat genetic disorders or that the government would come to their senses and at least use them for their intended purpose.

At the point, however, my only real option was to disappear completely, so I ended up moving out into the distant forest, building a log cabin in a small clearing in the forest near a decently large brook.† Big enough to swim in, if one wanted.† Though, even at my size, building a cabin while pregnant was a significant amount of work.† It really wasnít finished until after the birth and my recovery, but it doesnít matter too much.

I was afraid that my pup would end up hating me, just as all the other people in my life had.† That the way I was would automatically make anyone despise me just because I looked horrifying the way I was.† I thought that once my pup had grown old enough, that my pup would just end up leaving me and wanting to live in the city, so I kept the serums with me so that I could give my pup the life I thought my pup would want.

Finding Happiness

Eventually, though, when Blossome was born, I was the happiest I had even been in my life, though still terrified of things.† When those emerald eyes looked up into mine, even before she could speak, I didnít see the hatred I was used to, and since she was born relatively normal considering, I never ended up using those vaccines, though I still feel horrible to this day that I had considered changing who my daughter was, especially after I got to know her more and more.

As she grew older, she never did start hating me.† We spent a lot of time snuggling by the fire, discussing science and things, gazing at the stars at night, working in our garden and things like that.† As she grew, she eventually read and understood all the books I had, even if most of them were dry, science texts rather than exciting novels.

As Blossome fully matured, there were some interesting times ahead.† As things progressed, we grew fonder of each other, beyond what is normally acceptable in a mother-daughter relationship.† There were points where I tried to encourage Bloss to leave and start a life of her own, but there was a world out there that she wanted no part of, so she stayed with me.† I had found the one person I was attracted to, and I felt there was no reason to let things take their course after a while.

I really donít care if Iím judged on morality, because in the end, we were both happy, and we both loved each other, as daughter and mother, as mates, and as friends.† We had everything we wanted or needed between each other and the home we had built together.† So, despite the pain and the misery, it was all surely worth it, because in the end, I couldnít have been happier.